<![CDATA[Wake Up! Works - Tonia's Blog]]>

<![CDATA[Wake Up! Works - Tonia's Blog]]>Thu, 18 Apr 2024 01:13:22 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[Breath is the Presence of Creator]]>Mon, 02 Jan 2023 02:49:47 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/breath-is-the-presence-of-creatorAs we being the year 2023, let us acknowledge and support each other in the practice of Presence - which is living and having our attention on what is in front of us in the now moment as much as possible.
The present or now moment is where our Soul can be found and our Soul is our direct connection to and line of communication with Divine Source - no middleman or expert needed.
Being focused in the present moment as much as possible, and not giving our attention or energy to any fear-driven, ego/mind/thoughts/memories or media, is the only place we can find the peace of mind, inner truth, guidance or joy we may seek or need.
Being in Presence is the only place we can access our healing and creative abilities and our gifts of Spirit.
Being in Presence starts with putting our attention on each breath in and out - which is the breath of God allowing this physical body to live and have experiences.

We are being called more strongly than ever this coming year to focus and rely on our inner connection to the Divine as much as we possibly can so that we can lift ourselves, this planet and humanity into the Love frequency emanation of the Source of All There Is. Despite all the chaos in the world or in our lives, as more and more Light penetrates the unconsciousness of humanity, it is those like us who have to hold steady and strong like Lighthouses on the rocky shores. We must be in balance internally and know that we are all embodied emanations of Creator here to help Nova Gaia shift more easily into the higher frequency she is moving into. And we are too.

Here's the hard part . . . to be in the world by holding the beam of our Love-Light-Wisdom-Peace bright and steady; but not of the world, drawn into or reacting to the negativity and darkness that is trying so hard to maintain the old fear-based paradigm and status quo, and resist this unavoidable oceanic wave of change into the new paradigm of love.

Every time we let people, or the world, or our egos pull us into fear, negativity or ignorance, we have forgotten who we are and why we're here.
So go back to your breath again and again.
Give thanks that the Creator is always present within us and our breath is that reminder.

If you would like to be with a group of people who do this practice and world service, consider joining our Transmission Meditation group and contact me at Tonia @ Wakeupworks.org for details.

]]><![CDATA[Choosing Fear or Love]]>Wed, 11 Mar 2020 00:02:57 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/choosing-fear-or-loveMy VortexHealing® Teacher sent a message to us on 3/8/20 about addressing Covid-19. His message inspired me to do a little research. And, since my mission is to help change humanity’s operating paradigm from fear to love, I wanted to share the following thoughts for you to consider.
In the One,
Tonia

Merriam-Webster dictionary says PANIC implies unreasoning and overwhelming fear causing hysterical activity.

Let’s pull the plug on panic and put this in context.
Historically we have had these pandemics since recorded history. A list of some you may have forgotten can be found here: https://www.mphonline.org/worst-pandemics-in-history/

From Center for Disease Control (CDC):
“The complete clinical picture with regard to COVID-19 is not fully known. Reported illnesses have ranged from very mild (including some with no reported symptoms) to severe, including illness resulting in death. While information so far suggests that most COVID-19 illness is mild, a report out of China suggests serious illness occurs in 16% of cases [which means 84% is not serious]. Older people and people of all ages with severe underlying health conditions — like heart disease, lung disease and diabetes, for example — seem to be at higher risk of developing serious COVID-19 illness.” (from https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/summary.html)

Did you know that the “regular” flu (seasonal influenza) we are familiar with and have vaccines for also ends in death for more than 20,000 people each year? Covid-19 is another virus like “the flu”. The CDC estimates that “from October 1, 2019 through February 29, 2020 there have been:
34,000,000 – 49,000,000 flu illnesses
350,000 – 620,000 flu hospitalizations
20,000 – 52,000 flu deaths
Because influenza surveillance does not capture all cases of flu that occur in the U.S., CDC provides these estimated ranges to better reflect the larger burden of influenza. These estimates are calculated based on CDC’s weekly influenza surveillance data and are preliminary.” (from https://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/burden/preliminary-in-season-estimates.htm)

It’s important that we all take a big picture or aerial view of what’s going on with this, and what’s going on within you in the midst of it. It’s important to notice what is NOT being said about this.
It’s important to be aware of your personal risk factors with this or any other virus. What does your personal mental state contribute to what you will and will not attract? The vibration of fear is easily matched right now because so many millions of people are vibrating on that frequency right now.
People die: leave their bodies and go back Home. It is not avoidable.

Health-related events are often, but not always, the cause. When the planet needs to cull the population she knows what to do. When the media chooses to overwhelm us with fear-evoking events – replayed for hours and days on end – it’s important to remember that what they are reporting is unwittingly or deliberately designed to produce the maximum intensity of fear vibration.
It’s important to remember that you have free will and choice as to whether to join that vibration, or see it, assess its relevance to you, take whatever precautions you decide you need, then move your thoughts and feelings on to where you prefer to be.

As Beings of Light inhabiting a physical body, we have a responsibility to maintain that vibration of Light (Creator’s energy emanation) in the midst of the fear in order to counteract it. Joining the fear just adds to it. Right?

Maintaining a core of peace or benevolence in the midst of the fear is what we are called to do.
Notice how many different opportunities cross your path (besides Corona Virus) to make this choice in your life. The mastery can be demonstrated when you hear or read the words being broadcast and do not allow those words to have any meaning for you personally.

Are you in a state of panic each winter about whether or not you’ll get the flu? No? Why? Whatever reason you have for not being afraid that you might “get the flu and die” is the same reason you can apply to Covid-19.

Oh! But they don’t have a vaccine for it yet so if I get it I really could die! Yes, you could if that is your Soul’s path and exit strategy. If you latch onto a fear thought vibration about Covid-19, you have joined and increased the panic. Instead, by maintaining an honest and objective perspective on the subject, you can shift to a more love-based frequency and vibration to help calmyourself and the world.

Thoughts?

]]><![CDATA[Open Letter to Share International on The Great Invocation]]>Thu, 27 Sep 2018 16:24:24 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/open-letter-to-share-international-on-the-great-invocationIn this new century, and new millennium, the use of the pronoun he and the words man or men to describe all of humanity is obsolete and perpetuates old, dark energies that we are tasked with shifting into a higher vibrational frequency of the Light of the Creator.

Consider the impact of using the words ‘man’ and ‘men’ on a female reader’s consciousness. It is as if the messages are directed at men and for men (even though they are not). Using male gender references, excluding female pronouns, and ignoring the female gender when publishing words, subtly perpetuates the violence of exclusion and invisibility that the Masters are here to address.

In the latest email message for September 2018, I read this sentence which compelled me to write this open letter:
“They know that not all men are ready for the changes which must ensue but they know, too, that most men, by far, desire a new dimension of life, and are ready for the deeds and sacrifices which will bring it into being.”

One of the sacrifices you are being asked to make is to sacrifice the division of gender difference and dominance. Much of what you publish are the words of Benjamin Crème or his Master, who may have spoken “man” or “men” or used the pronoun “he” because that was the convention of language, male dominated language, that he grew up with.

As a publisher and organization dedicated to the emergence of Maitreya the World Teacher, you have a responsibility to examine the subtle ways that language can support the very energies that we are all working to dispel. Simply changing the use of ‘man’ and ‘men’ to ‘people’ or ‘humanity’ or ‘humans’ will go a long way to shift the energy and dissolve the grip of darkness and separation on the words we speak and read, and our consciousness. Do not fall into the trap of “that’s what he said so that’s how we have to publish it”. Clearly everything changes. Look within and know the truth.

THE GREAT INVOCATION - 1945

From the point of Light within the Mind of God
Let Light stream forth into the minds of men.
Let Light descend on Earth.

From the point of Love within the Heart of God
Let Love stream forth into the hearts of men.
May Christ return to Earth.

From the center where the Will of God is known
Let purpose guide the little wills of men –
The Purpose which the Masters know and serve.

From the center which we call the race of men
Let the Plan of Love and Light work out.
And may it seal the door where evil dwells.

Let Light and Love and Power
Restore the Plan on Earth.

The language of the original version of The Great Invocation was given in 1945 during a time when ‘men’ dominated our societies and were perpetually at war with each other. As a publisher, beware of resistance to or rejection of the new language that has been given.

In a 2003 meditation, a new version of The Great Invocation was given to me. You are encouraged to use and disseminate it widely. As you read or recite it, feel its energy, its power. Notice its effect on your heart and mind. Notice that the language communicates that it is done. We are not hoping or requesting or turning our power over to the invisible realms to make this happen. The Divine Feminine has come to balance the Divine Masculine expression on our beautiful planet and one way to do this is by reciting this new version of The Great Invocation. Each time this new version is spoken, it establishes this reality in the here and now:

THE GREAT INVOCATION for the 21st century
(given to TP in 2003)

From the point of Light within the Mind of God
Light streams forth into the human mind.
Light now descends on Earth.

From the point of Love within the Heart of God
Love streams forth into the human heart.
Christ Consciousness returns to Earth.

From the center where the Will of God is known
Let Purpose guide the little human will –
the Purpose which the Masters know and serve.

From the center which we call the race of Man
Let the Plan of Love and Light work out
and seal the door where evil dwells.

Let Light and Love and Power
Restore the Plan on Earth.

Often, when a new teaching is needed on the planet, and the holder of the original information denies or rejects it, or is not receptive to it, or protests the validity of the new or changed teaching, that teaching will be given to another vessel that is more open to receive it and communicate it into the world. This is the case in this instance. Thank you for considering it.]]><![CDATA[A Guide for the Realms]]>Sat, 01 Jul 2017 19:00:12 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/a-guide-for-the-realms

How many creations have entered our collective consciousness as fantasy and have later become reality?

A friend recently gave me a link to a video of a hypnosis session and I’ve been listening to a different one most nights since. I’ve been thinking a lot about the information that has come through the various clients of Alba Weinman, “a Clinical and Transpersonal Hypnotherapist in Miami, Florida who assists those who are on the path of spiritual awakening.” She posts the videos of these sessions (with client’s permission) on her YouTube channel and her own website http://AlbaWeinman.com to offer help and guidance to others.

I call Alba "a guide for the realms" because she is unflappable, no matter what kind of bizarre information she's hearing. She just stays on track and knows when and how to intervene in order to help or heal. Masterful.

Listening to these sessions is like listening to a book on tape, except these are descriptions of what is actually being seen in the mind’s eye of each client. They describe interesting and sometimes gripping scenes from other lifetimes; fascinating encounters with beings in other realms; events on other planets or even Earth in other dimensions; fantastical descriptions of their physical body being a bird or animal or human-animal hybrid, with a family and duties. Sometimes a removal of detrimental entities or thought forms is conducted because they are attached to the client’s energy field and are amplifying and drawing sustenance from the client's negative emotions, thoughts or behaviors.

Often there is a lesson or teaching or wisdom from the client’s higher self, including reports about the New Earth. Mostly, it brings knowledge of the existence of other realms, realities and timeframes, into common awareness, in the here and now. I also find a nugget or two in each one that specifically applies to me, and that makes it even more worthwhile to listen. Most of the videos are very long, start out slow, and are kind of boring (watching a person talk with their eyes closed for an hour or more,) so grab a coloring book or other creative thing to do if you decide to listen to her YouTube channel.

I’m sure most of what is revealed in these sessions could be easily dismissed as a product of their imagination. Yet I wonder why that particular image or scene or description brought up such strong feelings in the person, especially if it’s not in their conscious knowing? There are also a lot of similarities between what some of these clients describe and the images, aliens, creatures, or special effects that have been created in science fiction, space or paranormal movies and TV shows. So wonder where the creators of these movies get their ideas from? It has to flow in both directions doesn't it?

These videos have proven to be an enjoyable and educational form of “entertainment” for me because it makes me think about and consider things I might not otherwise encounter. That, for me, is fun! And I also prefer to believe that there are more possibilities of other dimensions and realities with their own races and societies and quotients of Light than I could ever imagine, so enjoying this information is preferable to fearing or judging it.

How many things have entered our collective consciousness as fantasy and have later become reality?
Just sayin'.

]]><![CDATA[In The One Divine Sea]]>Sat, 30 May 2015 04:12:54 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/in-the-one-divine-seaBack in 2006 I was singing with an improvisational music group I co-founded with Andrea Loretz Frey who named it Improvelocity. It was always magical when we were together because we never knew what music was going to emerge, nor could we repeat what we created – that’s the nature of improv.

One of the songs that came out of this collaboration was “I’m Connected” (click here and find player to listen). We were rehearsing in a church in Arlington. Joel Cohen started a musical phrase on his cello, the words “I’m connected” dropped into my head so I began to sing them, Lia Davis picked up the theme on piano, Andrea joined in with soprano harmonies, Ukumbwa Sauti added rhythm and nature sounds, Michael Carey added flute and tenor sax.

I’m sharing the above music file with you because it illustrates musically what can happen when we trust our intuition in collaboration with others. We trusted, and the music that resulted from our individualized expressions of The One coming together in the moment was true alchemy. I’m sharing this unedited recording with you because for me it was a message from God that we are all connected . . . in myriad ways . . . which leads me to the following . . .

There are a good number of emails I receive from different individuals and organizations that are all giving the same basic message: We are all waking up, we are all One, we need to connect (through a gathering, workshop, event, teleconference, presentation, healing modality, etc.) to make this a reality in our world. We are receiving divine energies to help us wake up. We can receive these energies for our own continued awakening into the Consciousness of Oneness, and to administer and share them with others through our individual and group work. This awakening into purer states of awareness and consciousness is catching on more and more every day. Dare I say there are millions of us now who are doing this work, and, there is a tremendous influx of assistance from the invisible realms. There is also turmoil where there is resistance to this flow into Oneness.

I’d like to share with you this deductive “if, then” reasoning: . . . If there are billions of people on planet Earth . . . if there are billions of stars, galaxies, celestial phenomena, even universes in the skies above us . . . if there are countless species of plants, minerals and animals . . . if there is a tremendous variety of weather patterns the effects of which we experience somewhere on this globe in every moment . . . if we are trillions of dollars in national debt . . . if in any given moment we cannot see any of these things except for what is directly in front of our eyes – yet we “know” they exist because we saw-read-heard it from someone . . . then we have to believe that there are vast hierarchies, communities, societies, realms, frequencies, etc. of beings and life forms who exist beyond our 3-D capabilities of perception.

By way of illustration, let’s say your hand gets stuck in a snow bank up to your elbow. Your hand (analogy for a human) may experience itself as all alone in this cold, dense, impenetrable medium. It can’t move freely and its ability to feel and respond rapidly freezes up. But, the part of you that is connected to your hand outside of the snow bank (analogy for God Spark or The Divine) knows better and tries to let the hand know that it is not alone. Your friends, family and neighbors (analogy for The Divine as an expression of other life forms from other realms) come along and ask you about the hand.

Together you try to come up with different strategies to help the hand feel its connection with the rest of the world outside of the snow bank so it can free itself. Alas, the hand doesn’t hear, or see, or feel the help being offered and so it withers away in the cold icy snow, trusting that there is a God “up there” but believing that it is alone “down here”. "Why didn’t you, with everyone’s help, just pull the hand out of the snow bank?" (Haven’t we all asked the question, “If there is a God, why does God let this bad thing happen?”) Because the hand has been given free will and couldn’t find the strength to surrender its belief that it was alone. So, it couldn’t receive the help being offered.

Now this analogy might be a little off, but the idea is that we are always connected to our Source and we always have help, unseen though it may be, from the Divine Beings who are here to help us make the transition to pure perception.

So, to continue our weird analogy . . . Let’s say the snow represents our consciousness – both individual and mass consciousness. What’s happening now in our world is that the snow is melting. It’s causing great flooding (e.g., floods of people in different countries demanding change and justice). The melting is also allowing the awareness of something more to reach the hand than the reality of the snow bank.

One of my favorite chants is, “I am the Bubble, make me the Sea” by Paramahansa Yogananda. That’s what’s going on now. While simultaneously maintaining our daily lives, we are merging and becoming One with the great Divine Sea.

Thou and I as One,
Tonia

]]><![CDATA[Adventures in VortexHealing ® Divine Energy Healing]]>Fri, 12 Sep 2014 03:32:52 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/adventures-in-vortex-healing

My first experience with VortexHealing® Divine Energy Healing http://www.vortexhealing.org was in October 2013 when Lorraine Goldbloom, one of the certified teachers, came to Boston to give a demo workshop. Two of my meditation buddies encouraged me to go, so I did. It’s where I also met Irina for the first time. Lorraine did her talk and asked for a volunteer to give a demo of how the basic healing works. She asked if anyone was a singer or musician. Robert and Debra were sitting on either side of me and both poked me in the side at the same time to volunteer, so I did. Lorraine asked me to sing a song, then she would do the healing, then I would sing the same song again. I sang a Paramahansa Yogananda chant, “I am the bubble, make me the sea.” She did her VortexHealing thing. I sang it again. This time my voice sounded richer and fuller, my throat seemed more open, and vocal chords seemed more lubricated. I was shocked that I could notice that much difference with the sound and feeling of my voice in a couple of minutes of her work. Best of all, she said it would be a permanent change, and so it was.

Robert knew Irina through the VortexHealing classes and invited her to my Monday Meditation. Irina is a masseuse and a powerhouse of energy and healing talent and happens to live in my town. On September 1, 2014 (about a year after my first experience with Lorraine) Irina announced that she wanted to practice and anchor the new modality she had learned and would any of us be interested in being test subjects. Of course everyone present said yes.

I and my partner J.J. did the Genetic Healing session. It was long (2.5 hours) because Irina facilitated the release of personal, then karmic, then ancestral imprints from our DNA, RNA and epigenetic levels. (Maybe she’ll offer them in separate sessions once she’s ready to offer them to the public but I was happy to get the whole package at once.) Three days later she did the follow-up session, cleaning up any residual genetic leftovers. Then she did the Multi-Frequency Transmission which contains millions of life-frequencies and all the color variations of light, in dense and homeopathic form, so that my body systems could access whatever was needed to balance and harmonize the newly cleaned structures.

After the first session both JJ and I felt spacey, cranky, bossy and impatient. I was not my usually even-tempered self. I can describe the feeling in two ways. Imagine a window screen, a metal mesh grid structure with spaces for air to come in and out. Now imagine that your screen has accumulated so much dirt and debris over the years that it is a solid mass with nothing going in or coming out. Then along comes Irina who does her VortexHealing magic, at the end of which there is no more dirt and debris and the spaces, spaces which were long forgotten even existed because they were habitually, comfortably or painfully full, are now empty. The fine mesh grid structure is still there, strong as ever, but now it can be seen and felt; and the light and air can pass through the millions of spaces again, and the screen is able to fulfill its original intent.

The other way to describe the feeling was like coming home and finding that all my furniture, accessories, walls and floors had been removed so that all that was left was a shell with a ceiling, structural supports and floor boards. Where did I go? Where’s my stuff? Who am I without my stuff? How can I live without a floor and walls and all my stuff? My ego was completely thrown off and became very cranky because the familiar 'clogged' state of being was gone.

Just now as I'm writing this, J.J. came to me to show me a wound he just got when he stood up from stroking one of the cats, hit his head hard on the slider handle, and scraped a triangular piece of skin from his forehead just above his third eye. We treated the wound then he said, "I'm surprised at how I reacted because normally I would have said 'mother f__er, %$#@**&^%$** but I just felt the pain and came up to show you." We laughed about what it took to open up his third eye and I told him not to be surprised at any visions he might now experience. His new calm reaction was a real testimony on the effectiveness of the changes he experienced as a result of the genetic healing.

This process has worked on the personal, karmic and ancestral levels and the proof is in the details of daily living. I've been constantly noticing and adapting to this new inner state. I am in a state of BEing that is palpable and real. BEing. All I want is to BE . . . wait for the next moment to see what calls me, or what guidance I receive, then do it . . . then go back to “being” again.

The following text is from the VortexHealing.org website.
I encourage you to explore it more deeply.

VortexHealing is not something we created but comes to us as a gift of the divine presence within the Merlin lineage. And the intention of that divine presence is to heal us, transform us, and open us to the inner freedom of our true being.

Most healing arts that work with the Divine use Divine energy (also called Divine light) but do not access Divine consciousness. Although Divine energy is pure healing energy, it is Divine consciousness that transforms the roots of the consciousness of separateness. When Divine consciousness is truly accessed, it also acts as an independent intelligence; it knows exactly where the roots of your issues are held and goes directly there to transform them. VortexHealing works with both Divine energy and Divine consciousness, accessing both in a variety of ways.

Genetics & Multi-Frequency Devices
The Genetic transmission enables the practitioner to release personal, karmic and ancestral imprints from the DNA, as well as to effect changes in the epigenetic level. And the research we are doing in this field—from both medical tests and university genetics studies—indicates that the effects we can create on the epigenetic level are impacting genetic expression. Hence, in addition to working on genetic "kinks", you can create genetic "enhancements" to your system as well.

The “Multi-Frequency contains millions of life-frequencies and all the color variations of light, in dense and homeopathic form. It can be used to release, to harmonize, to nurture or to ‘re-set’ various system in the body.

(Epigenetics is the study of changes in gene expression caused by certain base pairs in DNA or RNA being "turned off" or "turned on" again, through chemical reactions.)

“VortexHealing” is a registered service mark of Ric Weinman. All rights reserved. Used here with permission. For more information on VortexHealing visit www.VortexHealing.org.

]]><![CDATA[Forgiveness and Justice]]>Sat, 15 Mar 2014 04:27:49 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/forgiveness-and-justice"Forgiveness without justice is being a victim."
A friend asked my opinion about this statement and here’s my reply . . .

Who said that? And why would anyone believe it?

The dictionary says a victim is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated or fooled by someone else; someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident).

However, there's something we do to ourselves after being victimized that creates an additional definition . . . A victim is one who perpetually allows circumstances or people to be the justification or the cause of their suffering. Victims place the power to change their suffering into the hands of the perpetrator (person or circumstance). When the perpetrator doesn't change their behavior, or worse . . . dies, the victim's suffering goes on forever because the perpetrator - the one the victim has empowered to stop the victim's pain (by apologizing, loving, accepting, embracing, paying, etc.) - has refused, or has left the planet.

The dictionary says a victor is one who overcomes or defeats an enemy, opponent or adversary. In the context of forgiveness I think a victor is one who perpetually finds ways to reframe past circumstances into acceptable situations, even if it means turning those circumstances into character- or skill-building exercises. A victor catches the ego's attempts to maintain its position of "us against them" and confronts the illusions for what they are.

When peace prevails, Spirit is present.

"Forgiveness without justice is being a victim" is a statement designed to imprison one in pain and servitude to the past, forever. Remember, the ego puts forth and grasps onto anything that justifies its position and need to be right. Whose job is it to decide when justice has been served? I'd say, "forgiveness without justice is being wise."

And let's remember that forgiveness is not saying that what happened to you then is okay or acceptable now. Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to move on.
Repeat after me: I give my self, my inner child, and my personality aspects, permission to move on.

Victims say: “I'm not getting justice because you're not paying for the crime you committed against me.” Unconsciously what happens is . . . “I'm going to punish and victimize myself by holding on to hate, shame, blame, bitterness and regret about what you did to ensure that someone suffers and pays the price for what you did . . . and I'm going to do that by constantly replaying the event in my mind and imagination, and never forgiving you.”

Imagine a victim finally and simply deciding that appropriate punishment or justice is complete, whether it actually is or not. Imagine a victim deciding they want to be mentally and emotionally free more than they want to be right. Imagine a victim, through forgiveness and letting go of the past, is released forever from the self-made prison called victim. Just like you decide what to eat, or what to wear, deciding that you've suffered enough is really that simple. "I've had enough and I'm moving on." Then you can fill your “mental belly” with new decisions/food to replace the thoughts/food that caused your suffering. New decisions like repeating self-affirming phrases, kicking out any victim thoughts that may creep in, and really feeling and enjoying what your mind, body and emotions feel like without all the residual bitterness, hate and poor-me stories. This will make space for the real you to emerge.

Here are some other thoughts and affirmations about forgiveness and they're illustrated here:

Forgiveness is a selfish act of healing my heart and taking back my power to choose.
Forgiveness is choosing to be kind to myself even when no one else can or will.
Forgiveness is the fastest way to heal from the pain, shame, blame and bitterness about the past because I know that the past is only a memory my mind chooses to hold onto and replay in the present.
I know that the past can’t be any different than it was . . . so I forgive [give up] my fixation on the past (events, choices, people).
I forgive by letting go of the focus on my own bad choices, and the bad choices of others, that harmed me or my loved ones.
I forgive because I realize that the recurring thoughts and memories that remind me of my trauma, are doing nothing to the perpetrator.
I forgive because I want to experience mental and emotional freedom and normalcy, and that’s what forgiveness does.
I forgive because it allows me to be fully present and alive in this moment.
I fill the hole where the event once lived with unlimited, internal, eternal sunshine.

]]><![CDATA[Life is a Mosaic]]>Fri, 14 Mar 2014 04:13:18 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/life-is-a-mosaicMy life and my writing is a collection of little pieces waiting to be formed into a completed work of art. Each piece is complete unto itself yet, when joined with hundreds of other small pieces, contributes to a larger picture of my life.

In true ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) style I’ve gone online and looked up the word mosaic. I find an image so as to further illustrate what it is I’m saying.

Mosaic: a picture or pattern produced by arranging together small colored pieces of hard material, such as stone, tile, or glass.

And now that I read this definition I realize that what I’m describing is actually a mosaic that uses many tiny images instead of tiny pieces of stone, tile or glass. So I look that up.

Photomosaic: An image composed of many smaller photographs; a large-scale detailed picture made up of many photographs.

When you look at this from a distance it’s an image of President Barack Obama. When you zoom in, it’s hundreds or thousands of individual pictures of different people many of whom are holding campaign signs.

This is what our life is. Thousands and thousands of individual moments, thoughts, actions in each day, week, month, year, decade, lifetime that create the photomosaic of our life. What do you think your portrait would look like if each mosaic pixel was a snapshot of each of your moments – mundane, traumatic, ecstatic, mysterious; each of the people you’ve met along the way; every kindness, every meanness, every moment of self care, ignorance, and sacrifice you’ve made? I’d love to be able to see what kind of portrait my moments have made so far. I wonder if that’s what the Akashic Record is like. Find the person’s overall portrait then examine specific tiles or pixels for details.

For a good “definition of the Akashic Records as found in the records themselves” go to Carolyn Evers website: http://www.akashic-reading.com/akashicrecords.html. Here’s an excerpt: “Akasha is a place where the records are deposited for this planet Earth. It is a location. Akashic records are a recording of all activities and emotions of each individual soul who has experienced Earth in any form. The records are deposited by the soul itself and it is an automatic process. There is no way that these records can be altered or changed by the soul as this recording is completed through a process of vibration.”

]]><![CDATA[Two Different Realities]]>Thu, 28 Nov 2013 04:02:40 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/two-different-realitiesOne recent Monday evening after our group meditation, my friend and I experienced what seemed to be the intersection of two different realities. What follows actually happened.

Friend: “I have to ask you something that’s bothering me."
Tonia: "Sure, go ahead."
Friend: "Why did you push me away?”
Tonia: “What are you talking about?” (I'm confused about what she's referring to.)
Friend: “I rubbed your shoulders for a moment, then took your hands. Then you pushed my hands away with a lot of force, like this.” (She repeats the gesture she experienced.)
Tonia: “When?”
Friend: “Just now.”
Tonia: “Just now, just now??”
Friend: “Yes.”
Tonia: “That didn’t happen.”
Friend: “Yes it did, and I felt rejected by you because you pushed me away so hard.”
Tonia: “Well, as far as I’m concerned it didn't happen at all. But if you actually experienced it, it’s possible I just let go of your hands very purposefully and that may have felt like a push.”
Friend: “Okay, that makes sense.”
Tonia: “If I did it I didn’t mean anything by it. Yet I honestly don’t have any recall of you touching me at all, in any way.”

In both realities we were in my kitchen and I was sitting at the kitchen table.
In her reality, she placed her hands on my shoulders as I sat at the table. She then took both of my hands in hers, then I let go by pushing her hands away.
In my reality, I sat at the kitchen table and she was standing next to me the whole time. She never touched me at all.

I checked to see what the Internet had to say about parallel universes and here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia:
The multiverse (or meta-universe) is the hypothetical set of infinite or finite possible universes (including the historical universe we consistently experience) that together comprise everything that exists and can exist: the entirety of space, time, matter, and energy as well as the physical laws and constants that describe them. The term was coined in 1895 by the American philosopher and psychologist William James.[1] The various universes within the multiverse are sometimes called parallel universes.

The structure of the multiverse, the nature of each universe within it, and the relationship between the various constituent universes, depend on the specific multiverse hypothesis considered. Multiple universes have been hypothesized in cosmology, physics, astronomy, religion, philosophy, transpersonal psychology and fiction, particularly in science fiction and fantasy. In these contexts, parallel universes are also called "alternative universes", "quantum universes", "interpenetrating dimensions", "parallel dimensions", "parallel worlds", "alternative realities", "alternative timelines", and "dimensional planes," among others. See more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiverse.

I like the idea of “interpenetrating dimensions” because that’s what seemed to have happened with my friend. She and I interacted in her dimension with one outcome, and we interacted in my dimension with a different outcome. The factor that doesn’t apply in our weird moment in time is physical laws. Physical laws only apply where there is physical matter. Where there is no physical matter, physical laws don’t apply. If the reality I was in wasn’t completely physical then we have to look at non-physical, or meta-physical laws. And, since most people don’t operate in the non-physical on a regular basis (perhaps we only visit the non-physical in our dream states), we tend not to consider that possibility when something outside of physical laws shows up in our physical experience. It’s also possible that my friend and I may have had a momentary intersection of 3rd and 5th dimensional reality where two different versions of the same moment were experienced by each of us. Fascinating!

If you have an explanation or thoughts about this, I’d love to hear from you.

]]><![CDATA[Telling Stories vs. Storytelling]]>Fri, 21 Jun 2013 00:00:43 GMThttp://wakeupworks.org/tonias-blog/telling-stories-vs-storytellingFor my whole life I have been a prolific writer in the context of day jobs and work projects. I can write well and have evolved a decent design skill when it comes to flyers, brochures and announcements. However, I lapse into resistance and conflict inside when it comes to personal or creative writing for publication. Even this message . . . the only way I can get it done and actually post it is if I imagine that no one is going to read it.

A friend invited me to be one of 3 performers in her Sunday Salon Storytelling series. And, in true improv tradition, I said “yes!” to her offer. That was back in January 2013. I told her I would take this plunge into the unknown on Sunday May 12, 2013, which turned out to be Mother’s Day and also happened to be the 36th anniversary of my mother’s passing, and her mother’s birthday. So of course the stories I would tell would have something to do with the mothers in my life. The performance was 4 months away and I lived in an internal state of chaos, indecision, fear, and regret for having said, yes.

I’ve never called myself a storyteller, nor have I ever told stories in front of an audience for more than 10 minutes. My stories have always been told as a natural part of conversation with friends. I do have the stage/performance skills to do it but I (1) never performed like this alone for more than 10 minutes (I’ve always been on stage with other musicians, actors, singers, or my instruments and meditations to keep me company), (2) never told a series of stories just for entertainment (my stories have always been woven into my work as a public speaker, teacher or facilitator), and (3) never told stories for 75 minute! This prospect freaked me out.

Due diligence . . . I met with 2 friends, who are actor and storyteller respectively, and received wonderful and extremely helpful coaching and ideas for how to create the arc and content of the performance. Four days before the event everything fell into place and what was several months away, is now one month in the past. Time.

The stories I told were all from my life and told as me or in character as my mother and my grandmother. I sang 3 songs woven into the narrative and the audience seemed to enjoy it. But I didn’t feel any juice afterward. No sense of joy, or completion, or accomplishment, or satisfaction. I felt neutral, nothing, void. So I decided I wouldn’t do it again. Been there, done that. No more storytelling for me.

Several days later my aunt June (who had seen my performance) told me about another storytelling opportunity at the end of September that she “highly recommended” me for. Much to my chagrin I said yes. Duh! I swore I would not do it again. What is wrong with me? I know how to say no. Am I reverting back to my compliant, go along to get along, childhood patterns? No, it’s something more than that. It’s about challenging myself with discomfort because my life is very comfortable. It’s about doing something that I could be really good at if I apply myself. The bigger question is, why? Why am I doing this storytelling thing when I have so many satisfying forms and outlets for creative expression?

Somehow, this ties in to the resistance to creative personal writing . . . something to do with my personal stories needing to be told so, if I refuse to write them down, then they’ll get told in performance.

It’s easy to “talk” to people when I’m in a group, or teaching, or presenting, or performing, but something about the expectation of doing it for an hour and 15 minutes to entertain people seemed daunting to me. Somehow it’s linked to the personal-creative writing issue.

Perhaps getting caught at plagiarizing a story for an 11th grade writing assignment shamed me so badly that somewhere in my subconscious there’s now a self-imposed rule that’s stopping me from writing creatively or telling my own stories that has spilled over into verbal storytelling.

And then there’s the exploration I did when I first joined the Nubian Writers Group in June of 2009. In the process of exploring my fear and resistance to creative writing, I wrote a detailed “fictional” account of a guy who lived in Italy in the 1500s who was persecuted and eventually killed for talking and publishing books about spiritual and cosmological truths. The story I wrote was so interesting to me I did some research and discovered the life of a writer named Giordano Bruno whose details eerily matched those in the story I had just written. I thought that maybe this was another life of mine. Even when I read about him again just now on Wikipedia I got eerie twinges of recognition in my solar plexus.

Bronze statue of Giordano Bruno by Ettore Ferrari

Anyway, if I trick myself into calling it “talking about my life” or “telling you about my family history” or “sharing things that happened to me” then maybe it would just flow. But it’s called “storytelling” and there’s something about the word “storytelling” that bothers me. It’s such a benign word. Yet we use the phrase “telling a story” to also mean being a snitch or “lying” or “speaking an untruth” or being deceptive. And I’m allergic to that. I can feel twinges in my belly (my bullshit detector) indicating I’m compromising my integrity even if I knowingly exaggerate the tiniest thing or add some insignificant detail that I know didn't happen but can’t remember exactly what the truth is. One of those Ruiz 4 Agreements is “be impeccable with your word” and apparently I've assimilated that agreement very well.

I call improvisation a spiritual practice because you really have to allow the flow of spirit and inspiration to take over, and trust that your fellow actors or musicians will work together with you for the common good. And you definitely have to get out of your head and open up to the guidance and creative impulses that happen in each moment. For me, being in this space of moment to moment surrender is exquisite joy. Yet for me, telling stories I already know, for 75 minutes, is stepping into an excruciatingly small and boring box. Also, in improv, it’s important not to be a “talking head”, so there’s another conflict with the art of storytelling.

I feel like I’m drilling down to something important but haven’t arrived there yet. When I do, I’ll let you know.

]]>